THE WHOLE TRUTH & NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH - WASHINGTON GETS JUDGY

Who doesn't love a great congressional hearing in the middle of the summer? The twisted testimony, the colonoscopic questioning, the semantic summersaults, the pretzel logic, oh no, you are actually going to love this...get comfortable and press play or play press, as you wish...we're gonna get truthy!

Transcript

The Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth…Washington gets Judgy

Well! Hello there, I’m Lisa Evans and I’m your announcer.  This is the Yes We Canada Podcast, the Progressives Guide to Getting the Fuck Out.  We’re an independent, commercial free podcast based in Montreal, Canada. 

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Lisa: This is Yes We Canada the Progressives Guide to Getting the Fuck Out. This episode is called The Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth…Washington gets Judgy.

Hey, I’m Matt Zimbel in Montreal - welcome to 20 minutes of sheer, unadulterated truthiness. Today we take you inside a hearing room of the Senate Judiciary Committee in Washington DC, under the august chairmanship of the 92 year old Republican Senator of Iowa, Chuck Grassley.

 On today’s pod unparalleled lying and obfushish, obfuscation…… unparalleled lying and fibbing …under oath! 

 Pi: Um, sorry but I thought our beat was explaining to progressive Americans how to Canadian when they move here…

MZ: Pi as always, you are correct. But, actually, this pod has become really good at two things –one…Canadasplaining and two…cutting edge journalism completely lacking in any editorial discipline what’s so ever. Here we call it: “story swagger”.  But, unlike every single one of the hearing witnesses you are about to hear on the docket today – we …tell the truth.

 Ok, I get it – it’s summertime and we’re dragging you kicking and screaming into a stuffycongressional hearing room? – because… we think it’ll be… fun? Really?  Yep. Check out this little scrumptious trailer we made for you.

Well, we are reclaiming your time - instead of pools, picnics, and pickle ball - you have been sentenced to a summer podcast about congressional hearings.

 Oh my god does this not sound like fun?  Remember before Tiktok, when you used to have an attention span? When concentrating for up to 12 seconds was oh, I don’t know, second nature…well todays pod has a story arc and for you to have access to the full and unmitigated pleasure of watching lying sonsofbitches squirm in their seats and mark my words it is a pleasure … you have to be a little, tiny bit patient. Think of it like having sex, your patience will be rewarded.

Pi: Um sorry for the control room interruptus, but do you really think having sex is the best analogy for a congressional hearing?

 MZ: Yes Pi, American citizens are getting fucked and we’re covering it. 

 Pi: I’m all ears.

 MZ: Indeed, you are, that’s why you’re the engineer. Ok, let’s go…Here comes du judge

MZ: That’s Senator Richard Blumenthal, Democrat of Connecticut he’s talking to Judge Daniel D. Domenico currently a Federal District Court Judge in Colorado. Trump has nominated Judge Dominico to the US Court of Appeals in Ohio.  If Dominico gets approved by the Senate and gets this gig, he’ll get a whopping 14 thousand, three hundred dollar bump in his 200k and change salary and he’ll have the chance to move to…Cincinnati! 

One must ask, just how much would you lie for 14K…anywho – this is a long clip but it’s just so much fun, there is no way i’m going to let you listen to this by yourself. I’m sticking around.

Pi thank you for your service, was the US Capitol attacked on Jan 6, 2021?

MZ: Thank you, Pi.

The senate is where federal judges get confirmed… under oath. Before they get confirmed or not, they appear before the judiciary committee, to be interviewed, poked, prodded and otherwise humiliated. For the Trump regime, judges are very, very important, because 90% of the executive orders coming from the president’s desk do not actually align with the constitution or the law, so you need friendly conservative judges who serve with a side order of white Christian nationalism so they can rubber stamp Trumps executive orders or as the grownup press pool calls them, EO’s.  

 And Pi that seems like an exceedingly good opportunity for some award-winning sound design.

MZ: Yes We Canada – EDM hardcore house version

Federally appointed judges are called Article III judges – from guess what article in the constitution, come on, just take a wild guess! Good! 

Federal judges come in four flavors…District Judges, Appeals Court Judges often called Circuit Judges, Supreme Court judges, and (yawn) International Trade Judges. There are 94 Federal Districts in the US and territories and no, my exceptionalists…. neither Canada nor Greenland is one of your Territories, just yet. 

President appoints and the Senate must confirm judges. Currently there are 677 active judges and yum, yum they have jobs for life! 

Donnie from Queens AKA MOTUS moron of the United States has appointed 279 Article three judges during his kleptocracy 

Pi: Presidency.

MZ: Thank you Pi.

But even with that job for life…if you want to grab that extra 14 grand one must learn that there are a few things you cannot say on the record, in a hearing in the United States Senate. The first is that Joe Biden won the 2020 election and two, that the Capitol of the United States was “attacked” on January 6, 2021.

Which leads to oratory summersaults, linguistic gymnastics…and lying under oath …just to avoid answering simple, basic questions in the hearings.

The reason this is so earth shatteringly important is that once judges get their asses on a bench in the United States, they are there for life and in the words of former Canadian Supreme Court Judge Louise Arbor currently serving as Canada’s Governor General; “judges don’t recommend, they rule”.

Now, I don’t mean to get judgy but let’s dip into another.

Is it performative? Of course it is… the democrats are performing for the people, the Republicans are performing for the person. The person… in the White House where the motto is  “Fealty before Truth”.

This is Senator Adam Shiff democrat of California question T. Elliot Gaiser for a top Department of Justice post.

So clearly you can see how difficult a question this is, right?  If you are what they call a strict constructionist judge that means that you adhere to the letter of the law as written in the constitution - a document written in the 1700’s 

Ain’t nothin’ in this here constitution govonoring gifted jets…sombitch, must be legal! Hold my Beer. 

Ok we’re going to wrap this up. It’s a swampy summer  in Washington, despite the efforts of sealant team six, the reflecting pool is reflecting algae and Trumpian incompetence and as a northern people we’re supposed to be  at the cottage, on a mountain lake listening to those fucking loons 

Pam Us Pi! 

And with that, Pam Bondi former Attorney General of the United States, we gladly reclaim your time and restore your summer. 

We’re back in October with more amateur punditry from the swamp and lots of sage Canadasplaining handcrafted in Montreal just for you.

 Theme Out. 

Lisa: Thanks for listening to Yes We Canada.  Sound design and engineering by Pi Salin Cutler.  

Our theme was written by Matt Zimbel and Doug Wilde and performed by Manteca, from their CD, Monday Night at the Mensa Disco. 

My name is Lisa Evans and I’m your announcer.  Don’t forget to hit the support button and subscribe, your continued support is how we stay persuasive, perky and commercial free! 

 Until next time y’all. 

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