Just Ice Slushy - Trump’s Anti-Weaponization Slush Fund

If you enjoy graft, grift and gross, this is the episode for you...grab a slushy and gather round the pod to hear all about the Anti Weaponization Fund - recently put on ice, but you know it sure is a fun episode...you'll learn stuff, while mild nausea sets in. 

Transcript

Just-ice Slushy: Trump’s Anti-Weaponization Slush Fund

 This is Yes We Canada, The Progressives Guide to getting. the fuck. out!

 This episode?  Just-ice Slushy: Trump’s Anti-Weaponization Slush Fund

Hey…Stick ‘em up!  Listen carefully and no one’s gonna get hurt. I’m Matt Zimbel and this podcast comes to you from Montreal, and you may not know this, but Montreal is the former bank robbery capital of North America. Between the 1950’s and the 1970’s we averaged 2 a day, three on Fridays when the teller’s tills were plump with payday cash. Even though LA and New York had more banks and a lot more guns, Montreal kicked their asses in bank robberies per capita. In 1987 alone, we hosted 507 bank robberies – while LA only had a paltry 384. Wimps! And like everything in Montreal, we did it with style…Monica Proietti was in her 20’s, pretty and tough.  They called her Machine Gun Molly. She had a gold-plated machine gun and was a single mother with two kids.  Now this was before 12 dollar a day care was available in Quebec so she’d bring the kids to work…her job? A bank job. And the presence of the kids not only saved her daycare money, it also saved her life a few times when the cops refused to shoot for fear of hurting the little ones. Her return on investment was excellent, she supposedly netted more than 100,000 dollars Canadian…Pi you want to run that through your research plugins for us?

Pi: yep @ 3% inflation year over year, plus the exchange rate that’d be a cool million USD today!  

 MZ: On September 19, 1967, on what was to be her last job, she crashed her getaway car into a bus and was shot dead by an undercover cop. 

My sister-in-law was a teller in Montreal in the 70’s and she was held up three times. Actually, she liked it, they got a $100 bonus for every robbery which is  

Pi: about $500.00 today. 

MZ:  Thank you Pi.

Well actually, her bank, the Royal Bank, only paid the holdup bonus to the teller who had the gun stuck in their face.  None of the other tellers, got compensation, as far as the bank was concerned, it was just another ordinary day at work…

You know a bank has to be very careful with their money… to maximize their profits. 

My sister-in-law told me that her robber stood in line patiently and when it was his turn, he quietly said;  

‘I have a gun and you are going to put all the money in your till in in this bag”. 

 She said, “you’re kidding right?”  

 He said “no, I’m not” 

 So, she put her cigarette down in the ash tray and got him the cash tray.  When the cops arrived, they questioned her, but then stuff started to go off the rails and she was shocked to realize the angle of their interrogation – they  thought she was an accomplice to the heist.  Which is like a cop asking a rape victim what they were wearing…

 My mother was also in a bank in Montreal in the 70’s as it was being robbed. Once the gunman fled, the manager rounded up all the customers who remained and told them to get out and then he locked the doors. Not a word of apology or concern for any trauma the bank’s dear clients might have suffered just… get the fuck out. 

 Now PTSD was not invented until 1980, so the banks didn’t have to bother with trauma leave or any of those woke psychobabble HR policies.  

But, my mama? Oh, she didn’t take too kindly to that sort of corporate arrogance and eventually the bank paid her for attending a bank robbery against her will.

Pi:  Clem’s here...again.

Clem: Hey! Why in the hell r you tellin’ me bout robbin’ banks in Montreal Qweebec in the 70’s I got no damn time for this, I’m an American exceptionalist. Hold my beer.

 MZ: Clem good to see you - I’m glad you asked. You see Clem, I’m drawing what’s called a parallel… just like Montreal in the 70’s, the United States is currently experiencing a crime wave of unimagined proportions. The criminal mastermind of this operation has an oval office in the people’s house in Washington DC. Yep, the Thief in Chief and his family are robbing the US Treasury at a level never seen before in an American history. 

 And Clem, maybe, because you are, like me, not collage educated, you can’t see it. But it’s happening buddy…biggley… stick with me here, cuz I’m going to walk you through the latest Trump family trilogy of grift, graft and gross - The brand new Anti Weaponization Fund announced by the Department of Justice. 

Clem I feel your attention span is wandering …stay with me 

Clem: Hold my beer.

MZ: Good. 

 Do you remember when Trump ran for the White House the first time in 2015/16?  He kept sayin’ he’d release his tax returns like every other candidate, but because his returns were currently in an IRS audit, he claimed they could not be released.  Well, that’s not true but any who…when the audit ended Trump did what he always intended and didn’t release his tax returns.

 Now, I only do forensic accounting as a kind of weekend hobby, but I think there are four reasons he didn’t want to release his taxes. The first was he was not a rich as he claimed to be, the second, Donny the moron mogul from Queens, author of the ghost written “Art of the Deal” was in fact such a terrible businessman that his companies declared loses so severe that in 2016 and 2017 he only paid $750 dollars in taxes and in 2020 he paid no taxes at all because his quote “beautiful businesses” unquote, lost so much money that he didn’t owe the Gman a dime. And the last reason he did not want to release his taxes is because as his big sister called him on the pod a few weeks ago, “tighter than a duck’s ass”.  

And he never gave any serious money to charity. 

 He knew damn well that ne knew damn well that one of these qualities would endear him to the electorate. 

 Well, here’s where the forensic accounting story gets pumping!  In 2019 an IRS contractor by the name of Charles E. Littlejohn leaked 15 years of Trumps tax returns to the New York Times and Pro-publica.  Mr. Littlejohn was upset because he had noticed, in his extensive work as an IRS tax auditor that …wait for it…the rich do not pay much in taxes.  

So, our buddy Chuck Littlejohn released 405,427 tax records of high-income individuals and companies to prove his point.  He knew that he would face consequences for his actions but felt it was important to illustrate to his fellow citizens just how unfair the American tax system is.

Mr. Littlejohn is now serving 5 years, as a guest of the American people, housed in the Marion Correctional Facility in Illinois. Usually, criminal acts like this get 4 to 10 months. But the judge, a gay Latina woman appointed by Biden, just the kind of judge Trump loves to hate, threw the book at Littlejohn. Said his stealing of confidential tax information was akin to Jan 6 – a grave threat to democracy…

 Charles will be back among us in September of 2027. May I say, sir, thank you for your service. Say hi to Luigi for me. 

 So, this year the President of the United States, Donny from Queens, decides, that he’s going to sue the IRS for one billion dollars for the illegal release of his tax returns way back in 2019. Never mind that the statute of limitations has passed, never mind that he is essentially suing himself so he can settle with himself. This was the first time a sitting US president had attempted to sue his own administration. 

 Suing yourself sounds rather masturbatory…

 Even the judge was like; ‘wait, what?” You da defendant and you du plaintiff …?  Wassss upppppp?’ 

 Although she doesn’t sound like that US District Judge Kathleen Williams for the southern district of Florida said, before we hear your case Mr. President plaintiff slash defendant, I have to make sure this is kosher. 

Then the Trumps drop the suit before Judge Williams decides whether the case has any legal standing whatsoever. 

 Case dismissed!

Long story even longer…and stay with me here …cuz this is the really fun part - The Justice department represents the Internal Revenue Service in court. The boss of the Justice Department is Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche whose day job used to be lead lawyer for Donny from Queens, aka President of the United States. And, of course, as acting AD Blanche is also a member of the Trump cabinet.    

 Hours after the Trumps drop the case it is announced by the Todd Blanche at the Justice Department that they have – quelle surprise - reached a settlement with the President and his family!

 Good right?  Wrong. The Trump family has agreed to drop the case (which according to the judge had a very shaky legal standing)  in exchange for two things.  Thing one – the creation of a fund called the Anti Weaponization Fund, funded by the US treasury to the tune of 1.776 Billion dollars to allow Americans who have supposedly been unfairly treated by the Justice department under Joe Biden to claim a settlement, ie: cash…money, money cash 

Get it 1.776 billion…1776 the year y’all told the King of England to fuck off.

 And thing two – the day after the announcement of the creation of the Anti Weaponization Fund the Department of Justice releases a delicious addendum to the settlement agreement with Donny from Queens and his family…which bars the IRS in perpetuity from auditing or filing any claims against Trump and his family for past tax filings…Basically it is the Department of Justice handing the president and his sons a get out of jail card for free. 

 Clem ya still with me buddy it’s gonna get even better!  

 Clem:  Yep, this is so boring…um, you got any snacks, maybe some pork rinds…

 Yep, I’ll get right on that…

Well, class what… do we know about the Trump family and their history of filing their taxes?  …well, for starters their CFO Allan Weisselberg served not one but two jail sentences at Rikers Island in New York after pleading guilty for tax fraud and perjury, which is the upper class way of saying lying …and New York State found the Trump family business guilty of fiscal fraud and Trump is banned from serving as an officer or director of any NY corporation for three years and his sons are barred from serving as corporate officers for two years…and now with this so called settlement…the  IRS is forbidden to charge the honourable Trump family with any crime for their past filings… 

Move along people there’s nothing to see here …move along. 

 Do you remember when the Republican Party, used to be the “law and order” party?  Well, they have   utterly unburdened themselves with the rules of law… 

 Let’s have a big old glance at just who might be able to get some retribution funds from the Anti Weaponization Fund

 You guys remember Jan 6th? Yeeeehawwwww

 We take you now to the Senate Appropriations Committee. Senator Chris Van Holland of Maryland is questioning the acting attorney general Todd Blanche who as we mentioned earlier was Donald Trump’s personal lawyer, on the new Anti Weaponization Fund started by the Justice Department and funded with 1.776 billion dollars of taxpayer money. 

Clem lemme ask you something -do you think Howard Richardson of Pennsylvania who plead guilty to beating a DC cop with flagpole so hard that he broke the flagpole should receive compensation for his actions?

 Clem:  well, that kinda depends on what the flagpole was made of, dunnit?  Hold ma beer

 Or how about this one – I’m sure you remember this moment Clem. 

 Yeah, that’s Patrick McCaufey the 3rd of Somerset, Connecticut doing his patriotic best to try and crush DC Metro cop Daniel Hodges in a doorway of the capitol.  Do you really think that Mr. McCaufey deserves to be paid for door jamming a cop and almost killing him??  

Clem, do you really want your hard-earned tax dollars to go to yer bud Julian Khater of New Jersey who attacked a Capital Police officer named Brian Sicknick with pepper spray. The next day Officer Sicknik had a stroke and died …  Sicknick was a veteran …and get this he also voted for your boy Trump. 

Sombitch. Hold my beer. ANFIFAFA

 Well…let’s see what our vice president has to say about some of the upstanding American citizens who might be eligible to  get some compensation for the terrible and unlawful treatment the US justice system under Joe Biden subjected them to. 

Oh, JD yer killing me here!!!!  your quote “innocent grandmother” unquote is Tina Peters… who committed a misdemeanor?  No, she didn’t JD, she was found guilty by a jury of American citizens… of felonies, lots of them - 

 Influencing a public servant, conspiracy to impersonate, official misconduct, violation of duty, and failing to follow Colorado's Secretary of State regulations 

Grandma was convicted on seven of ten counts of election interference. How American is that? 

JD you are an Ivy League educated Hillbilly – you should know better… your so called “innocent grandma” was serving 9 years because she was the country clerk of Mesa, Colorado and in a Trump induced haze of patriotism she tampered with voting machines… jd buddy! you are entitled to your own opinion but you. are not. Entitled. to your own facts! 

An innocent grandma?  

This line of BS is coming to you directly from the folks who brought you this

Now, because Grandma Tina Peters was a leader in the election denial movement of course MOTUS tried to pardon her…but he couldn’t … why? Because she was being held on state not federal charges, and presidents of the United States have no jurisdiction over state charges. 

So MOTUS did was he always does. He slipped into his alter ego 

“Donny from Queens” and insisted the Governor of Colorado pardon Tina Peters. The governor, a democrat and the only elected out gay governor in America, said no thank you, noting that Tina was rightfully convicted by a jury of Colorado citizens. Then Donny from Queens rejected disaster relief payments for Colorado counties devastated by floods and wildfires. Then Donny from Queens relocated the US Space Command from Colorado to Alabama, then Donny from you know the rest …cut federal funding for the National Center for Atmospheric Research in Boulder, Colo., which is the lab is responsible for many of the biggest scientific advances in humanity’s understanding of weather and climate since its founding in 1960.  Then Donny from Queens cut a 109 million dollar federal grant for green transportation that was already approved for Colorado. Then Governor of Colorado, Jared Polis  decided to pardon our vote tampering grandma Tina Peters lest Donny from Queens continue to harm his state.

 I’m Donny from Queens, I’m makin’ pardons who wants pardons?

 Let’s have a glance at some of the other savory American citizens who will now have access to millions of your hard-earned tax dollars in quote “lawfare compensation” end quote.  

 Who can forget the My Pillow Guy, guy…

 Or our personal favorite, disgraced congressman and master imposter Little Georgie Santo’s – although I’d imagine he’s been compensated enough from selling his lightly used underwear on Only Fans. 

 Pi: Fact check…Santos did have an Only Fans page for a while, but he did not sell his used knickers. His Only Fans page was focused on his core business…lying.

 Thank you Pi…these are the truths the American people need to hear. 

 And just to dial up the rage a notch, when MOTUS commuted Georgie Santos from his seven-year sentence for fraud, identity theft etc after Georgie served a few months, Santos was no longer obligated to pay damages to the victims he defrauded. Trump said Georgie was treated terribly unfairly. So now when he gets a payment from the Anti Weaponization Fund well that could be confirmation that in the United States of America in 2026 crime pays!

The 1776 anti weaponization fund will be managed by a commission of five people appointed by the Acting Attorney General and serving at the pleasure of the president, which means MOTUS can fire them at any time. The panel will be releasing the names of the people awarded compensation…but other details might not see the light of day, for example the amount of the award, or the reason of the award for um, privacy reasons…

 These five distinguished scum bags will no doubt approve payments to all of Trumps inner circle of election deniers…Mike Flynn, Roger Stone, Steve Bannon, Paul Manafort, Peter Navaro aka Tariff Daddy, Allan Weisselburg remember him? the Trump CFO who served time for fraud? George Papadopolis, Rudy Guilliani, Sidney Powell…I wonder if Stormy Daniels or Michael Cohen will get a taste – nah – just kidding…I’m just fuckin with ya. 

 Pi: Sorry to interrupt – but quick fact check… General Mike Flynn got 1.2 million US or so in compensation from the government in January  when Trump’s DOJ pardoned him after he admitted lying to the FBI – TWICE!  

 MZ:  Thank you Pi

 And where was MOTUS Moron of the United States while his Acting Attorney General was spewin’ some retribution in the Senate chambers…?

 Why he was right here…distracting us…

 MZ: I’ve been workin’ on the ballroom all the live long day, I’ve been working on the ball room just to pass the time away…hey.

 Well at least the President cares about his citizens:

Pi, where’s Clem?

Pi: oh, he couldn’t hold his beer. Passed out on the couch in the lounge… in a reflecting pool of his own vomit. 

 MZ: Nice. Gosh I hope you’re not eating supper while listening – if so, apologies from headquarters. 

 Ok so as you can see the situation in Washington is dire – the cheating, the lying, the lack of any progress on issues that matter to American voters, it’s all a big mess but here’s some sage analysis from me, your freelance, amateur, pundit, which I think you may enjoy…

 I’ll spare you the math of race-by- race projections, but there is a good chance that Republicans will lose the house in the mid terms and possibly, though it is much harder loose, the senate.  If this happens it means that Trump will likely be impeached again. 

 Well, I’m bored, Clem fell asleep, so were going to wrap this episode up…But before I do, can we have a very brief chat about affordability – cuz I just think it’s worth mentioning here as we head into the midterm elections…  man, you guys really should have voted for the black lady and not just because she went to high school in Montreal during bank robbery season.  

 Exceptionalists!  The GOP party sold you a bottle of snake oil in the last election – Trump told you he was going to stop forever foreign wars, reduce prices, fix your health care, reduce your taxes …it’s pretty simple Clem, if you’d voted for the black lady you’d have about 3500$ USD more in your pocket right now. But I know you wouldn’t trade that for your new ballroom, your 20 million dollar blue bottomed reflectin’ pool repair or your beautiful Arc du Trump. And who cares about redistricting black voters out of power in the south or shooting innocent American citizens in the face in Minneapolis or even tariffing your valued trading partners around the world.  

 Then there’s the war with Iran, oh I’m sorry, not supposed to call it a war, it’s a 29 billion dollar excursion that killed a lot of very innocent people and got you nothing you didn’t already have with the Iran deal Obama signed in 2015…That my friends is the Art of the Steal. 

Back in the 70’s in Montreal, we were really good at two things, winning hockey games and robbing banks. In fact, we even had an NHL hockey player by the name of Patrick Cote who decided quit the NHL to do a couple of bank jobs.  Which got him a penalty. 

 30 months. 

Hey Patrick… Trump adores male hockey players, maybe you could get Anti Weaponization taste!

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