Pod on the Porch

We thought we'd take the cruel, mean and hopelessly ignorant policies of the Trump administration up to the cottage to see if they felt any better from that perspective.  They didn't. But all the same, recording the pod on the porch was an experience not to be missed.  Until it wasn't.

In case you want to holler at us - you can do it here matt.zimbel@gmail.com 

Thanks for listening. We hope you are enjoying your summer, despite the arrival of fast fascism.

Transcript

YES, WE CANADA -POD ON THE PORCH- EP 56 S4

This is the Yes We Canada Podcast and independent pod cast that relies on your support…

Pi: um, sorry,  standby… Are you going to do it?

MZ: do what?

Pi: The correction.

MZ: Right. Ok.  Um on the last episode of Yes We Canada, we, no, I, erroneously accused minority leader of the House Hakim Jefferies… of being a Vegan.  This is not true. Senator Corey Booker is a vegan. Hakim Jefferies is a carnivore.  I got my cool black dudes in congress mixed up. I apologize. 

Pi:  Nice, that oughta get the lawsuit dropped.  Ok, standby to continue pitching for our salaries.

Ok, Yes We Canada is an independent podcast committed to the truth and reliant on your good will.  Please support the show with a monthly subscription at Buzzsprout/yeswecanada.com hit the support button and you can cancel at any time and we are very thankful for you support.  It means a lot...ok, let’s Yes We Canada and Chill. 

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Lisa:  This is the Yes We Canada Podcast the Progressive’s guide to getting the fuck out. 

Hey, I’m Matt Zimbel…just outside of Montreal, what a beautiful summer night….

Oh, my progressives, you must be exhausted.  I know I am. The daily Trump barrage of lies, cruelty and garbage governing …is debilitating...the complicit congress, the hourly dose of  racism and division from the Millers and the Vought’s, Alligator Alcatraz, the Speedway Slammer, tariffs up …tariffs down, Gaza will become a resort, Ukraine shouldn’t have started the war and the  FBI is gonna arrest the Texas Democrats in exile in Illinois…

And just when you started to get bored, the DOJ announced an investigation into NY Prosecutor Letitia James who charged Trump in New York in the hush money case,   

which led to a jury of his peers to finding him  guilty on all 34 counts. 

Fotus Felon of the United States.

Got ya fucker. I was a pacifist…NOT ANY MORE. You, my little friend should have been a blood donor.

American politics is more than disagreements’ on policy positions -it’s the arrival of fascism in slow-mo – No fuck that -it’s not slow- mo, it’s fast forward.  Fast fascism.

It’s the lawlessness…the lack of respect for human dignity…did you hear that in January Trump signed an executive order prohibiting trans people from serving in the military. It was retroactive, so they had to kick out all the existing trans personal.

But of course, they didn’t just kick them out, they did it gleefully, with maximum cruelty. 

If you serve in the military for 15 to 18 years you can apply for early retirement…it’s your right to do so …but not the Trans members who have served for 15 to 18 years. They just have to quit or face “removal”, which is not an honorable discharge. Their only option is to take their severance and fuck all the way off. 

And when trans people in the military um quote, ‘retire’ against their will, they will be further humiliated because they will not be allowed to wear their uniform at the retirement ceremony – which is a long-standing military tradition. And in a final kick ‘em when they’re down move that only the Trump administration could muster- the trans service members are being forced to return to their birth names for their exit ceremony. So, Sargent Major Shawn McPherson, looking sharp in his military buzz cut and mustache will be dressed in his civies and will become Sargent Major Susie McPherson. Oh yeah, and um thank you for your service. 

Over 4000 members identify as trans in the US Military.  And you know the US Military is having a bugger of a time recruiting – why?  Because the American processed food diet  creates obesity and obese people do not qualify… 

Ladies and Gentlemen the greatest fighting force in world history …the gravy seals. 

A war in Ukraine, a genocide in Gaza and who’s at the table? Utter idiots answering to a guy who self identifies as a master negotiator but managed to bankrupt casinos, plural.

In 1974 the Pulitzer prize winning author David Halberstam wrote a book called the Best and the Brightest which detailed the group of academics and industrialists who were brought into the Kennedy administration in the early 60’s.  They were thought to be the best and the brightest…whiz kids if you will, a term from the 60’s if there ever was one. They advocated for the war in Vietnam because they didn’t want to appear weak on the growth of communism, an issue that might hurt them at the polls.  At the time, the professional diplomats and foreign service brain trust at the State Department aka “Foggy Bottom” didn’t think the war was either wise or winnable but the wiz kids thought otherwise and dismissed them.  

Does that sound vaguely familiar?  As MOTUS try’s to secure his Nobel Peace Prize by ending the war in Ukraine and Gaza, he is surrounded by former real estate developer and diplomatic newbie Steve Whitcoff, Secretary of State “Little Marco” and Southern Baptist intellectual the new American ambassador to Israel: Mike Huckabee. 

See… you have nothing to worry about. DT couldn’t win an Emmy for The Apprentice but by god he’s going to get his Nobel Peace Prize if it’s the last thing he does…which could also be, the last thing any of us do. 

Oh, Jesus, this politics stuff is so boring – wanna talk about the weather?  I do. The weather is interesting these days, nothing to do with climate change of course, but here’s some breaking news…the National Weather Service is hiring!

Hiring back 450 of the 500 meteorologists they just fired in March.  Department of government efficiency?  Elon you are a DOGE bag. Waste fraud and abuse?  How about all the medicine that USAID had for distribution that is now going to be incinerated instead of life saving…

But you guys know Motus is passionate about waste, fraud and abuse particularly in the medical sector, which is why he pardoned a health executive in California who was accused of ripping off more than $1 billion dollars from Medicare and Medicaid through nursing homes and senior care facilities scams….this was among the largest fraud in American history.

Opps, pardon me.  

ICE is rounding up 3000 people a day based on the colour of their skin and their ability to speak Spanish…farms, hotels, meat packing plants, health care facilities are all starving for people to work, and what does your masterful leader do? (Southern accent) Why he terrifies ‘n deports the very people who do all the jobs Americans think they’re too god damn good for. Donny didn’t you used to be in the hotel business – right …and the casino business – which you managed to bankrupt – a casino – oh you’re a bright one aren’t ya?

Ah, hmmm , not sure how much longer I’ll be able to stay out here on the porch and bore you to death. Oh, but this is a good one…

Rolling Stone reported this week that the online version of the Constitution of the United States was suddenly missing parts of Article 1, parts of Section 8, all of section 9 and 10. 

I know you guys have memorized these sections, but for the benefit of our large Canadian audience; these sections deal with the rights and duties of congress, they specify that habeas corpus cannot not be suspended, that only congress can levy tariffs that the president cannot accept gifts from foreign countries.

Pi, can you throw in some sound design of a really expensive airplane… I don’t know let’s say a 747-8 Luxury liner registered in Qatar.

so, the WH says oh goodness how could this happen all these articles seem to be missing from our online constitution?  Heavens to Murgatroyd. 

And, in perhaps the absolute best, ‘the dog ate my homework” moment of this administration of fools, they claimed there had been a coding glitch and the document would be restored right away. 

(stretch, yawn) 

Ok breath in for 4, hold for four, breath out for four.  Good…keep breathing, keep working on this, I’m gonna take a smoke break in Montreal we can smoke in Yoga class. 

Well with everything going on in America I think you should consider the Canadian option… I know, I know the midterms are only 18 months away and they’re getting you all riled up – I can hear you:  How could I leave now?  I’m American!  I have to fight for my country. 

Well yep, there is that…

But ever so briefly… you glance north, Canada curious.  Fight or flight? 

Welp, you’re American so its fight no question…but your sooooo tired…sooo weary – and so disappointed in; “my fellow Americans”.    Just how did; “my fellow Americans”, become a nation of dumb, gullible, unread people – well, you don’t  think it’s an accident …do you?  Senator Mitch McConnell served the good people of Kentucky for 42 years and Kentucky is still ranked 39th out of 50 states for its educational performance. Sombitch. 

And if you are looking for the chairman of the “dumb down the citizens bureau” look no further than  “Rupert Fucking Murdock” owner of Fox News. He’s an Aussie and unquestionably the best argument ever for closing the US borders. Since the end of the Civil War, there has never been one person who has soiled the American experiment more than Australian “Rupert Fucking Murdoch”. 

Fuck off Bruce. 

I mean, maybe…. it’s time to bust a move?  Maybe we can help?  Canada could become your closest sanctuary country. We need more leftists! We need more people who are willing to work hard, who are enterprising and who are willing to do the jobs Canadians won’t do – like stand up to Trump.

Our new PM Mark Carney is starting to make his mark. Trump wants to tariff our softwood lumber, even more than usual …no problem says Carney we’ll just support Forestry with a 1.2 billion dollar in grants and debt relief and build with more of our own lumber!   (In the country where forest fires are demolishing millions of hectares each summer – what could possibly go wrong?) 

In Canada we’re going to invest in our military – tench hut!  We’re super excited to buy 88 American F35 fighter jets!  Whereas countries with cajonies like Spain and India told the Americans to fuck off and cancelled their F35 orders due to tariffs…oh, yeah, just for the record – Trump did not call India and Spain the 52 and 53rd states.

Up here in Canadastan we even caved on the digital services tax before we got into  negotiations. Facebook, Google, Netflix, and Youtube and the other platforms that make billions from their Canuck clients also have to contribute to the cultural industries here just like they do in Europe and Briton.  Nah, we shut that DST shit down to please MOTUS –Moron of the United States. 

And guys, it’s not just me who thinks he’s a moron.  The New York Times has a phrase they increasingly keep using – I’m sure it’s now in their style guide under “correct description of an ignorant presidential move” The phrase is: “it’s not clear that Trump has properly thought this through”.  Oh, I love that so much. 

Do I have hope?  I do.  I hope, I can get in the cottage before this rainstorm destroys my vintage German microphone and soils my Yes, We Canada script written on birchbark with a charcoal pencil. 

No, in fact, I do have hope. It’s not at the ballot box…it’s at the mailbox. The right wing populist base, will eventually realize that trickle down economics, doesn’t work now and it has never worked… they will realize that Trump’s tariffs only increased the cost everything they buy and that the tariffs are producing no factories or jobs in the US in the short term… They will mourn the lack of options when their 14 year old daughter comes home pregnant, they will hear their politicians say ‘now is not the time to discuss gun control” after another devastating mass shooting that this time was in their community. They’ll watch the 1% applaud Trump’s tax cuts while their regional hospital closes and their aging mother is no longer eligible for Medicare because she doesn’t have a job. They’ll watch as their friends who work at Walmart and still can’t make ends meet, lose their SNAP benefits.  They’ll watch when the tornados rip through town, but FEMA doesn’t. They’ll feel it when their son’s best friend at school dies from a measles outbreak because we’re MAHA and Making America Healthy Again doesn’t include Vaccines or Science! 

Oh, but my Republicans, science does have a way of biting stupid people in the arse.  Just ask conservative American radio hosts Dick Farrel. Phil Valentine and Marc Bernier. Oh, no, sorry you can’t ask them, for they are metaphysically challenged at the moment after not taking their Covid jabs. Formerly right wing, presently six feet under. 

The right ain’t right. We got that on our side. And I know, I know deeply how arrogant that must sound, but what is on our side – think about it - Compassion!  Caring! Kindness, sympathy, justice, equality, innovation fuck even Jesus is on our side. 

The Republican Party’s disdain for its MAGA base will, at some point have a reckoning…whether it’s Alex Jones crying on air about the fact that DOJ is not releasing the Epstein files or if it’s congressman Mike Flood from Nebraska gettin’ some constituent love at his most recent town hall…you can feel the base marinating in disgruntlement. 

And no, it’s not just democrats flooding the zone. 

So, should you move to Canada?  Yes!  We need you smart, enterprising, self centered people with us.  I’m serious. 

Can you move to Canada? Well – that’s another question entirely and it’s a tough one.  In fact, we did an entire episode on that called “Happy Landing Immigrant” Episode Six Season three.  

It’s hard to get in unless you’re a doctor who drives long distance trucks on the weekend. 

We have a housing crisis. Our job numbers are not cool and  also, we’re pissed at you at the moment, for obvious reasons. But if I was a Carney Barker – I’d say – let ‘em in – let the Brain drain flow north SVP!

Oh shit, excuse me. would you?

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