Vote often, vote early!

In a few days we're gonna have an election in Canadstan! Elections have consequences...We're about to have some consequences! 

Transcript

Yes We Canada

Vote Early Vote Often

 Oh, hi there, this is the prelude to yes we Canada where we ask you to become a member of the resistance and kindly support this independent podcast with a monthly donation that you can cancel at any time.  Easy peasy go to yes we canada/buzzsprout.com and hit SUPPORT. It means a lot to us – ok, let’s yes we Canada and chill…

Hey, I’m Matt Zimbel in Montreal. This episode was recorded on April 22, 2025, it’s called Vote Early, Vote often. 

 Canada goes to the polls on Monday April 28th for, um, ah, the most consequential election of our lifetimes…

 On the last episode of Yes We Canada we detailed the horrible human resources mistake that  took place in the Prime Minsters Office – which lead to a lethal blow to Justin Trudeau’s best job ever. 

 The Liberals now have a new leader, his name is Mark Carney. He was born in the Northwest Territories, went to Harvard and Oxford, but more importantly he was the backup goalie on the Harvard Varsity Hockey team.  

 He became the Governor of the Bank of Canada during the 2008 recession crisis, did such a great job that he was offered the same gig by the British in London… the Governor of the Bank of England.  Pip Pip!  

 Now you guys have been with the pod for a few seasons and you know there is nothing Canadians love more than when our people are honoured on the world stage, thereby confirming our superb judgement at home. 

 Carneys’ got a nice, Canadian, public persona – he exudes calm, he’s unfailingly polite with a soft twinkle in the eye and a wry sense of humour …my man feels like a card carrying member of the ruling class.  You can just picture him at the head of the table in some boardroom high above the clouds moving money around the world to save a corporate entity taxes. But… he’s never stood before the electorate – never doored to door and – and he’s never stood in front of a pack of rabid journalists scrumming the PM’s face off on the intimate details of his investment portfolio… well, gosh, he gets a bit testy…as one would only expect from a “chairman”.

 The party is called The “Liberals”…but they are not always liberal.  You might call them “humanist centrists”,  if you were a stuffy intellectual scholar, which you’re not. But under Trudeau, the Liberals were the most leftist government to ever lead the dominion.  

I mean at one point there were conspiracy theories going around that Trudeau was actually the illegitimate child of a illicit    romance between his mother Margaret and family friend Fidel Castro.  During COVID Trudeau grew a beard and you know… on certain days…on certain angles.. it kinda  seemed plausib – oh god we’re getting into TMZ territory here.

 Pi: Um, TM Zed. 

 Right.   Thanks Pi… Keeping the pronunciation Canadian eh?

 Ok, before we finish with Trudeau and indeed the guy seems to have utterly vanished …I want to go on the record because that’s what you guys pay me for. For those of us on the left, I believe Trudeau’s legacy will age well. His government created a national daycare program for affordable 12$ a day daycare, he increased transfers to the provinces for health care – he gave small business a leg up with tax reductions and other supports, making Canada the number one place in the G7 for small business. By legalizing pot, he reduced burdens on the courts, cops and prisons, he stood up for women  (with the exception of a few important female cabinet ministers) 

 He was there for the LGBTQ community. He handled COVID with dexterity and compassion, he fought hard for Ukraine. He created vastly improved relations with the Indigenous people of this land. He navigated Trump’s abusive and volatile behavior in the first Trump years. His government made improving child poverty a priority and they substantially reduced it. Trudeau was a better steward of the environment than any other PM in history. And under our… handsome fella… the Liberals made the first steps on Dental Care and Pharmacare with an assist from the NDP bien sur. I wish he had done more for the innocent citizens of Gaza (and pleeeeease note: there is a difference between a Gazan and a Hamas member) In fact, there are many things I wish he had been done better, faster, more effectively…but governing Canada is complex, minority governing even more so. I think Trudeau’s performance in office and the legacy of his accomplishments will be regarded with deep respect…in a few years.

 Now, I tell you this …and I am not now or nor ever will I be a member of the Liberal Party. Full disclosure, I’m a recovering supporter of the NDP. And I look at this election very much like I look at my grandsons recent toilet training…anything but PP – Pierre Poilievre.

After Carney became leader in March, yeah, last month, Parliament was dissolved. At dissolution the Libs held 160 seats 10 short of a majority government. In our last election in 2021 election the party that came in second and got the questionable prize of official opposition status was the Conservative Party.  They won 119 seats, a loss of two from the previous Parliament.  At the time the Cons were led by a doughy white guy named Erin O’Toole – he was trying to move the party to the centre – to reassure the electorate that the Conservative Party that often spoke about things like creating a Barbaric Cultural Practices snitch line to the RCMP, were, not, you know like conservatives really are…fill in the blank…

But the conservative knuckle dragging staunchies we’re having none of O’tooles’, retooling. 

 As leader of the opposition your entire gig is to traffic in outrage. O’Toole didn’t have an outrage button, a moderate complainer was the best he could muster …but he did soften a few Conservative policy pillars during the campaign and even though the party won the popular vote, they did not form the government and Conservatives did what they do best and ate their young. 

 Which is sad because the leader of the opposition is a super cool gig that comes with a mansion and a car and driver.  

 But then… the Conservatives refreshed their leader by electing a nerdy dude with a temper and an undying love of slogans.

 That’s Pierre Poilievre leader of the Conservative Party of Canada.   Pierre’s life began modestly, raised by school-teachers in the West, he’s been a life-long politician and was in the right wing cabinet of Stephen Harper’s conservatives which was no doubt a joyous place to hang out.   He’s only 45 and has already been in Parliament for 20 years. Now he’s the leader of his majesties loyal opposition and he just had an election campaign makeover! 

Calm down…he looks like the regional manager of produce for a medium sized grocery chain – he’s got contact lenses instead of glasses and open necked shirts instead of ties. 

 Yep, my man looks “cool”.  

 Actually, it’s been said that Pierre’s comportment reminds many women of their first husband. …which was once said about that former patrician sex symbol in the White House  George HW Bush senior…. 

 Pierre Poilievre or PeePee, his nickname to us Libtards, is a conservative attack dog…all the dog whistles:  what climate change? reduce immigration! tough on crime! gay marriage negative! defund the CBC.

 I don’t need to waste your time reciting the positions – you know them by heart, what is interesting is – his dad is gay, his wife Anaida is an immigrant from Venezuela (very beautiful and very smart…a powerhouse behind a podium in 3 languages) ok, yeah I know, that likely sounded super patronizing– but, hey, her Insta handle is  “Pretty and Smart Inc”, so please…I’m just the messenger…

 Poilievre is just like Trump - marries an immigrant and now wants to stop immigration…what would Freud say about that? Pi get Freud on the line.

Pi: Um…he’s dead. 

Offer him double scale

Pi: Will do

 As we mentioned, Pierre’s been in politics his whole career, a member of Parliament for 20 years, a cabinet minister etc and in all that time he’s passed one bill – count ‘em one bill. 

 A bill on election financing that the right leaning Globe and Mail –our New York Times,  published a five-part series of editorials on how Poilievres’s bill will  harm the “foundation of Canadian democracy”. 

 Can you imagine how PP’s gay dad must have felt when his son stood in the House of Commons and voted against gay marriage. That’s positively Lindsey Grahamesque. 

 Well, “Pierre one bill”, qualified for his parliamentary pension when he was 31 years old.  Livin’ large baby.  But as a member of the conservative Stephen Harper Cabinet, he voted to raise Canadian’s qualifying age for Old Age Security and the elders Guaranteed Income Supplement  from 65 to 67 which was the biggest cut to Canadian’s public pension plan in history. Thanks PP. You got yours my man!

 Side bar alert:  When Trudeau took power, the Liberals restored the retirement benefits to age 65 and increased the payments to seniors, because that’s what Libtards do… they actually care about their elder’s quality of life. 

 Ok let’s dial the pod back to January 2025 before Trudeau resigned. 

 PP’s 45, he’s ensconced in the leader of the opposition’s mansion, Stornaway, he’s got the car & driver, a hugely generous Parliamentary pension in the bag, his contacts look better than the glasses and his business casual vibe is rocking, but what he really really wants is to be is Prime Minster… and now that Justin is circling the drain – Pierre can actually taste it…he’s up 15 to 20 points in the polls… effectively he’s the “Prime Minister in Waiting”…oh man that sounds good, warm up the motorcade…

 In my research, I’ve found that people who ride in motorcades tend to have a strong sense of self. 

 Poilievre amps up his attack dog campaign with monosyllabic policy positions.

 Pi: We just played that!

 Yeah, I know, but that’s all we’ve been hearing up here for the past two years- non fucking stop! So, I called for it in the show line up again to give our besties the exalted and endless experience of Pierre’s whining.  

 Slogans aside, at this writing, a few meager days before the general election -it’s looking dicey for PP…cons are down by 5 or 6 points depending on the poll and us, Libtards are feeling cautiously optimistic – just like we were with Kamala!

 Well, that was hopeful. 

 Now when we talk American politics, we cover the Dems and the GOP and the odd indie like Bernie and then…that’s it …we’re done.  But not up here in Canadastan …we have more parties – cuz Canadians like to party. 

 In Canada the partying never stops…we still have the Green Party…this won’t take long there are only two of them. But their co-leader used to be one of youse guys…her name is Elizabeth May and she is an American immigrant. You see there may be a glam future up here for you here yet!  The Greens are having a tough election because since Motus, Moron of the United States introduced tariffs no one is talking about climate change during this election. In fact, the Greens got kicked off the leaders televised debate the day before the debate because the debate commission said they no longer qualified – which is an incredibly (yawn) stunning story, that I will share with you personally if you reach out to me on email – the link is in the show description. 

 Ok the next party we are going to study is called Le Bloc Quebecois, they currently hold 33 seats, all from Quebec. This party was started by a disgruntled cabinet minister in a conservative government in the early 90’s with the single objective of representing the interests of Quebec in The House of Commons. They tend to lean social democrat and they are staunch independantistes. Because Quebec is what we call in Canada a distinct society – French – having the Bloc in Ottawa makes sense, it’s almost like Quebec has 33 lawyers in the nation’s capital keeping an eye on the government.  Back in the early 90’s Quebecers were so mad at the federal government, which was Conservative at the time, that in their very first election the Bloc Quebecois stunned the country and won the second most seats in parliament making them “Her Majesties Loyal Opposition” – except they were anything but loyal because their entire mandate was to cris leur can – which is French for, get the fuck out …of Canada. Their current leader Yves Francois Blanchet is a former rock manager…and you know those guys …screamers. 

You call this a dressing room, this is a fucking meat locker you either get my artist a proper dressing room or you can forget about having a show in your bar tonight. And if I find one more fucking brown m&m’s  in the m&m bowl this show is cancelled. 

 Not exactly as portrayed but you get the idea. That, but in French. 

 Meet the New Democratic Party…there are 25 of them in the House at the moment and to understand their stand, just imagine having 25 AOC’s in your congress. They are socialistical and though they have never formed a federal government in Canada, they are the reason why you get a woody when you think about moving here…the NDP is responsible for bringing Universal Single Payer Health Care to Canada. 

 Until September of last fall the NDP had a written agreement to support the Liberals so the Libs could form a minority government.  The deal they had with the Liberals even had a fancy name:  The Supply and Confidence Agreement. But title not withstanding you get it …it’s horse trading… The NDP said to the wanna be Trudeau government – “you do legislative programs for us and we’ll let you keep the motorcade”. 

And the NDP held the Liberals feet to the socialistical fire. They made the libs create a dental care program and a Pharmacare program.

 The NDP are led by a guy named Jagmeet Singh.  Jagmeet’s the first Sihk to lead a major Canadian political party.  He’s unquestionably the best dressed man on the Hill – double breasted bespoke suits, bespoke socks, bespoke pocket squares…bespoke Turbans.  GQ like you don’t often see on the Hill. But after being bullied as a kid for being brown he’s not only a scrapper in the house, 

 He can take it outside too. 

 At 46 years old he’s a smart guy, argues his positions like the defense attorney he is…my kind of leader; positive, tough and for the people and unfortunately… he’s about to get trounced.  

 You see one of the problems the NDP has is that after ‘propping up the minority Liberal government” it’s very hard to get the electorate to recognize what programs and policies they championed and basically crammed down the Liberals throats.  

 Another problem the NDP has is, they were always the leftists on Parliament Hill until Trudeau arrived and out leftied them. You see in 2015, the NDP was the Official Opposition Party, they had 103 seats – the Liberals under Trudeau were the 3rd party in Parliament…the country was sick and tired of 9 years of Conservative mean girl rule under Stephen Harper and so the NDP could taste government…the motorcade was within reach. The leader of the NDP at the time, a crusty lawyer from Quebec, Thomas Mulcair, pulled the party to the centre to prove to Canadians that the NDP were not radical lunatic leftists and would be fiscally responsible with their tax dollars while being socially socialist. The Liberals pivoted to the left of NDP and 

SFX Crowd cheering - Hockey goal scoring horn under next line

 ….he shoots, he scores!  Trudeau won a majority government with the slogan Sunny Ways!  

Kinda hippy huh?

 Now this is a story being taught in contemporary poli-sci at a Canadian University near you but you’re getting it here for, well for whatever you pay for this podcast…thank you by the way- we talk about socialism all the time but we’re ardent capitalists on this show when it comes to production costs. 

 For us Libtards, this particular election is painful – it’s about the dual threat of Pierre Poilieve’s right wing scorched earth Conservatives and Donald Trump’s 51st state hostile takeover. The Libtards want to be certain there is no Conservative government so they will not split their votes on the left and it looks like the NDP is going to pay the price…and that is very sad because with fewer NDP folks in the house, a Liberal government if elected will move to the centre, particularly under a recovering Governor of the Bank of Canada Mark Carney.

 Up, hold up – what this …oh, the Pope just died. Jesus Murphy.

 Ok full disclosure, I am not a religious man but I should do a little tribute.  a cold cut if you will.  Culturally I’m a Jew, but not practicing.   I’m also percussionist also not practicing… which is even a deeper point of shame. Generally, I think it would be fair to say the Pope came across “as a radical leftist lunatic” – at least in that bastion of progressive thinking… The Vatican.  As my friend, the singer songwriter, humourist and part time national treasure Nancy White used to say – “What could possibly go wrong for a woman taking sexual advice from a man wearing a long white dress?” 

Oh, we’re gonna get mail.

 I live in Quebec where for the past 400 years the Catholic Church and the politicians they deputized, terrorized the people of this province. It’s a real scar. As a result the people of Quebec want a society where the state and the church are very separate. I mean I have actually been at dinner parties where the entire discussion, the entire evening was on whether public service employees should be permitted to wear religious symbols at work.  

 Which brings me back to Jagmeet Singh’s Sihk faith.  Is a man who wears a Turban electable as PM in Canada? 

 And this kind of discussion reminds me of my exceptionalist American friends and their pained talk about former presidential candidate and cabinet secretary Pete Buttigeg. Clearly Mayor Pete is an exceptionally talented politician, a superb communicator and a dude who has proven he knows how to be an effective cabinet secretary …but because Pete is gay, they quietly ask– is America ready for a ‘first husband in the White House”.  Could a gay man be elected to be POTUS? 

 Well,would…. Canadians elect a man who wears a Turban to be Prime Minister? 

 I ask myself, if I was in a crisis situation, a war, an environmental disaster, or just, say for fun the end of the rule of law in America, and my leader told me the plan and the plan included the line ‘and we will also pray to God”, I’m like, no don’t, pray to god – go back and double check your fucking plan for getting us out of this situation … WTF. 

 I believe deeply in religious freedom. But I am not down with politicians who end every speech by saying “and may God bless these United States of America”.  I do not enjoy Majority Leader of the House Mike Johnson introducing legislation by holding a prayer meetings in the House. 

 Because I’m agnostic. 

 So, then I decided to do some racism due diligence on myself.  I asked myself how I would I feel if a Jew came to my door to ask for my vote.  The answer was simple- if they were a left wing Jew I’d vote for them, if they were a right wing Jew…

I open the door and I say (Yiddish)Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tsivanu l’hadlik ner shel Hanukkah. 

I have no idea what it means but it sounds awesome and they go away pretty quick.

 So, then I upped the ante - let’s just say a left wing Jew came to my door  to ask for my vote and he was wearing a yarmulke …well before he opened his mouth or handed me a pamphlet I’d say (Jewish accent) vat, you are wearink a yarmulke and vant to be prime minister of Canada?  

You may be a Jew but you’re a fool ….  you know nothing about marketing? 

 Also, where do you stand on foreskins sir? Barbaric cultural practice or slick willie. 

Pi: Bill Clinton was Jewish?

 No Pi. They called him Slick Willie, cuz his name was Bill and he was very slick. He was not Jewish, some people thought he was the first black president though. 

 Pi: Thank you.

 A Jew is electable in Canada.  A few have been. But not wearing a yarmulke.  A Sikh is electable in Canada a few have been but, as PM wearing a turban? From coast to coast to coast?  Uh I’d like to say I’m not sure…but I’m sure and the answer is, unfortunately, no. 

Pi:  We’ve got company!

 God:  Matthew Matthew, Matthew good bible names boys, I heard you talking about religion and politics and I thought I’d pop in. 

MZ: Oh Lord, condolences on the Pope. Thanks for popping in who better to discuss the separation of church and state your holiness, sir. 

 God. Call me G. 

 MZ: G…um, I’m concerned about the NDP - Jagmeet Singh campaigning in Quebec in his Turban. As you know God, Bill 22 in Quebec forbids people working in the public sector from wearing religious symbols. 

 Wear a Turban and ya…can’t be a cop, can’t be a teacher, can’t be a judge. 

 So, imagine – you’re a teacher, you can’t wear a Turban, but the top top top public sector worker, the prime minister, could wear a Turban– damn that sounds almost like the monarchy!

God.  And that’s why I gave you people the not with standing clause… By the way I saw Rene the other day…he’s good, the comb over has grown out a little, the scar in his back from the knife has healed nicely but he’s still chain smoking though I gotta talk to him about that…but I digress.

MZ: actually, I know quite a little about Sikhism. 

 God:  Well, I’m obviously not Sikh but the gods all hang out together … Waheguru was telling me the other day that Sikh beliefs are very simple:  have compassion, charity, equality, justice, service to humanity you know all the woke stuff. 

 MZ:  Sounds like the NDP platform.

God:  Exactly my point… Jagmeet’s platform and Jagmeet’s cultural and religious teachings are identical – care and kindness for all…simple

 That’s a good point God. Thanks for sharing. Look I just wanted to mention – you’re a god of some means, and um, were on a bit of a funding drive here at Yes We Canada, I’m wondering if you might consider making a monthly donation at YesWeCanada slash buzzsprout.com so we can keep the pod commercial free. Even three dollars a month helps….

God. You take Paypal?

 MZ: we certainly do. 

God.  Done! Love the pod Matthew…Look, gotta run – I gotta go vote.

 MZ; God you vote in Canada?

 God: Just provincially.

 MZ: Wait how does that work? You mean you don’t vote in the federal elections?

 God:  Well…I do I vote federally in all the provinces.  Thirteen times

 MZ:  That’s not democratic, God, it’s supposed to be one man one…well, I guess like what is it one god 13 votes, is that the way you roll?

 God:  I’m the first influencer! Gotta fly…

 Good another donor!

 Ok so the table is set…now you know the players, the issues and we’ve covered all the biases. 

 It’s the most (yawn) consequential election of our times…

 But one huge question remains:  what is the potentially devastating impact on our American Exceptionalist audience.

 Um, there is no potentially devastating impact on our American Exceptionalist audience.

As usual, you are fine.  You are the elephant, we are the pimple on your butt. 

 As Obama says “elections have consequences”. 

 Well, see you next time, we gotta go and have some consequences. 

Breaking news hotline: zimbel@videotron.ca