STILETTO JUSTICE

We've been reading the polling in this US election cycle and it looks like Black is the new orange!  Donald Trump may be creating a new Black job in Washington DC  and we're back to tell you all about it!

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Yes We Canada

Episode 44 

Stiletto Justice  - August 27, 2024 

This is the Yes We Canada Podcast The Progressives guide to getting the fuck out. 

Episode 44 …Stiletto Justice. 

 Theme: 

Hey, I’m Matt Zimbel in Montreal. It’s great to be back from hiatus.  We dropped the last episode in May and then, because there was nothing interesting going on politically, we took a break… Because high quality political satire cannot exist without events…

 And now, mid -August, after three dumpster fire decisions by the Supreme Court, a failed Trump assignation attempt, the resignation of the Democrat nominee also known as the president of the United States and for the first time in history, the nomination, to the top of a presidential ticket of an Asian woman… who turned Black.

 Sir, there are so many things you don’t know – but hey, we’ll get back to that in a minute, may I just say polling is telling us that… Black is the new Orange. You know, Donald, the presidency might become one of those black jobs you talk about so often.

 Ok, let me just finish the list of things we missed during hiatus. The Vice Presidential stakes were resolved with the Democrats picking the left-wing radical Governor of Minnesota Tim Walz who’s commie tendencies are fully disguised by his doughy mid- western dad / football coach / high school teacher make over.   Trump selected the millionaire tech entrepreneur slash memoirist, slash junior senator from Ohio, faux-billy, professional cat hater JD Vance. In 2016, which is not so long ago, Vance called Trump “reprehensible, cultural heroin, unfit to govern” and just to top it off, he called him “an idiot”. 

 And to prove JD right, Trump picked him for VP.

 Damn a lot happened during hiatus.

 Lisa, whose stupid idea was it to go on hiatus during an election year? 

 Lisa: It was yours, sir. 

 Oh, my idea? (Actually, hiatus is brilliant… builds suspense… contributes to the episodic story arc… conflict, resolution…Greek myths, yada yada yada. Absolutely brilliant.

So, lets, see what else did we miss? 

 Right, Marjorie Taylor Green popped another head gasket.

 Lisa:  Is that really news sir, or just mental illness?  

 Mmmm smells like diplomacy to me! She’s the magaphone that just keeps on giving!

In other news, Trump’s former trade advisor Peter Navarro, one of like six Trump officials to get sent to prison aka Club Fed, got out of jail in Florida, jumped out of his orange jumpsuit and into a black suit and flew private directly to Milwaukee to give a prime-time speech at the 

 Ladies and Gentlemen direct from the Miami Federal Correctional Institute in Florida please welcome President Trump’s former Director of the Office of Trade and Manufacturing Policy Peter Navaaaaaaarroooooooo

 Is this on?

 Good evening, great to be here, do I smell like prison? 

 Thank you very much!  I wanted Steve Bannon to open for me, but the weaponized injustice  department said he couldn’t get early parole for good behavior because he’d only been in jail a day.  

I go to prison so you don’t have to

Yeah, well, I listen to Peter Navarro speeches so you don’t have to. Enough of that.

 Paul Manafort, Roger Stone, jeez boys, there were so many Trump associated ex-cons walking the convention floor in Milwaukee they should have called the Convention the Con Con!

 And I naively thought that ex-cons were not allowed to congregate with felons. 

 Oh, right you missed that news too!  because we weren’t on the air.  This is a good one…Trump was convicted of 32 felony counts for falsifying business records in New York City, for covering up a clandestine sexual relationship with an adult film actress. 

 Pi: you mean Porn Star?

 MZ: Pi, don’t you think adult film actress sounds better?

 Pi: well, it’s not clear, most film stars are “adults”.

 MZ: Ok then, how about “Erotic Film Actress”

 Pi: According to the Yes We Canada style guide, an Erotic Film actress uses Vaseline on the lens, a porn star uses Vaseline on her body.

Ok then, Porn Star.  Trump paid off a porn star.

And Sentencing will be in September. 

 Add this guilty verdict to his civil rape conviction in the E. Jean Carrol case and the Trump organization’s guilty verdict on criminal charges of tax and financial fraud and his 40ish other outstanding felony charges - you know, light weight, misdemeanor shit like, conspiracy to defraud the US conspiracy against the rights of citizens, conspiracy to obstruct justice, 

wilful retention of national defence information, which of course falls under the jurisdiction of that “minor annoying city ordonnance” called the American Espionage Act. Plus, Racketeering, Influence and the Corrupt Organizations Act which he’s been charged with in Georgia. 

And what, you may ask, does a one-man crime wave get you in the United States? Why it gets you the endorsement of the National Association of Police Officers – which is a police organization with upwards of a quarter of a million members in America.  Two of whom are black… 

 Yep, Bob, we’ll take the felon for President, for four more!

 I do wonder what the DC police, who lost one of their men in blue during the Jan. 6 insurrection, and four following the event by suicide, think of NAPO’s endorsement.

 So now that you’re all caught up, let’s talk about the Democrat’s DEI hire to become the next president of the United States. 

 Gimme a D Gimme an E Gimmie an I what’s that spell diversity, equity, and inclusion….Well let’s see, about this DEI business.  Shall we? 

 Damn straight Pamela Harris is a DEI hire. What did she ever do? What kind of qualifications has she got? Did you know November 19, 2021, President Biden had a colonoscopy and Harris was actin’ president from 10:10 to 11:35 am …she was president for 85 minutes, got nothin’ done. Nothin…

I do my own colonoscopy’s… Hold my beer. 

 Harris rose from middle class roots, her dad was Jamaican, her mom Indian, they were professors. 

Professors?  Ain’t no difference tween a professor and a communist, is the same damn thang. Hold my beer. 

 Harris got a degree in economics, got a law degree, became a lawyer, then became a prosecutor, then the district attorney of San Francisco, then was elected as the Attorney General of California - a state with the fifth largest economy in the world – just to give you an idea, if California was a country it would have an economy a little bit smaller than Japan but larger than India’s – and Harris became the attorney general – top law enforcement official, in the fifth largest economy in the world…twice, cuz she got re-elected…some called her rien  “Stiletto Justice”. 

 Then Harris was elected to the US Senate.  Now, I don’t know when you last checked up on the racial and gender makeup of the Senate, but it’s not like there’s a lot of black women hanging around the joint legislatin’. In fact, Kamala was only the second Black woman and the first Asian woman to become a senator in history, but fuck – ya know it’s only been 248 years since the founding of the senate – and god damn these things take time… 

 In the US Senate, Kamala’s prosecutorial chops came in handy:

 If you study Harris, as we have, so you don’t have to - you’ll see that she not only knows how to convince a judge and jury on issues of corporate malfeasance oh, malfeasance is very French for corporate fuckery but my girl knows how to make the malfeasant mothafuckers pay…  

BP paid 14 mill in damages, Conoco Phillips paid 11.5 mil, VW paid 14.7 billion, Cosco Busan paid 44 million for an oil spill 25.4 million from Chevron and on and on…

 Under Attorney General Kamal Harris crime certainly paid for the citizens of California!  

 Kamala Harris for the people 

 And finally, when Coma-la won the vice presidency she became the highest ranking female official in US history – but like we said it’s only been 248 years…

 More importantly than all that … Kamala was schooled here, in Montreal, Canada! Her mom was teaching at McGill and doing cancer research at the Jewish General Hospital and she told the Kamala and her sister Maya that it would be a ‘great northern adventure” to move to Montreal a place that qualifies as sub-arctic during the ten months of winter.   This must have been a tough sell to a California teenager. One of the schools she attended is called FACE, Fine Arts Core Education. My sons went there.  It’s a wonderful publicly funded progressive French English school, where it’s mandatory for the children to learn an instrument. The students are also given wonderful values at this school, where the upper grade kids look after the younger students to foster a kind of intergenerational mentoring. They teach kids how to care for each other…sounds pretty presidential to me!

 But wait here a second, Republicans have some serious concerns about Kamala – what’s she is like to work with?  Is she a good boss?  Is she like, nice?  Conservatives are quick to point out that she’s had a lot of senior people leave her office… speech writers, comms folks, chief of staffs, I mean if there are HR issues in the Veeps office we need to know about them before we hire her for president and commander in chief…right?  I mean we the people – we’re the hiring committee right…? And by comparison it’s a well-established fact that Donald Trump is a great boss. 

 I mean just listen to his staff in their exit interviews: 

 Let’s see here, Rexy Tillerson, his former secretary of state called him and I quote, “a fucking moron”. 

 And then John Kelly, his longest serving chief of staff said; “Trump has no idea what America stands for and no idea what America is all about”. Boom!

 And Bill Barr, Trump’s former Attorney General had this to say:

 And then, Barr endorsed him for president in 2024…just to prove to the nation, as if we had any doubts whatsoever, that William Barr is the POS AG of all times WTF…

 The parade of Trump staff raves continues with Cassidy Hutchison, an aide to Trump’s Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, who complimented her former boss like this:  

 But the best one is General Mark Milley…remember Mark?  He was Trump’s Joint Chief of Staff. Trump said General Milley should be executed for treason… now think about that for a second – you’re a fucking general, boss of all the military and your commander in chief announces publicly that you should be executed.  You live in a country where there are 330 million people who have 500 million guns.  Jeez do they teach this kind of tactical defence at West Point? 

 So, is Kamala a good boss?  Is she fun to work for… is she like nice?  I guess Republicans just have different standards for women bosses…because they’re weird!

 I mean oppo research on their VP pick, faux-billy JD Vance, revealed that he googled “sex with dolphins” I mean look, full disclosure, I’ve dated a few dolphins, who hasn’t, but I’ve never wanted to, like, you know, experience them carnally. That just seems fishy to me. But not to JD!  I mean the man wears eyeliner – oops I mean “guy liner”. The Bulwark reported that “Trump has repeatedly commented favorably on his ‘beautiful blue eyes and long eyelashes.” He looks like a young Abraham Lincoln,” Trump said.

Guy liner anyone?

The Trump campaign team swung into make-up and hair action on this file got JD’s wife Usha, to, um, issue a statement that her husband “does not wear eyeliner”, when he complains that Democrats are just a bunch of “childless cat ladies”. 

Gettin’ weird enough for ya?

 Oh yeah, and the weird Republicans are burning books, controlling women’s bodies and fighting for your um, freedom. Yeah, that’s it, your freedom. 

Then, the weird republicans started attacking Harris’s VP choice Tim Walz, by calling him Tampon Tim.  Why?  Because Republicans in the House have the intellectual capacity of eleven year-old school yard bullies. Tampon Tim…they gave him that nickname because as the Governor of Minnesota, Walz decreed that all schools in his state would have feminine hygine products available to their students in the washrooms for free. And free school lunches and free school breakfasts.  Because Democrats care about children who do not have the means …why? Because Democrats realize that caring for children creates better outcomes, a healthier state, a happier citizenry and for those of you who are only looking at the bottom line – that also means a state with less crime, 

 Less drug addiction, less disease and less violence…see how that works Republicans?  Get in touch with your inner Jesus.

 Sombitch you costal elites make me wanna puke, Republicans do give to children, in Louisiana there’s now a law  that every classroom gonna have a poster of the 10 commandments…see?  Hold. My. Beer.

 Tampon Tim, guy liner, cat ladies clearly, I mean…the United States has become a cesspool.

But I know my listeners and all you’re thinking about right now is…where’s Melania, she’s not on the campaign trail.  Is she ok? Where’s Melania?

Why the former first lady is busy giving paid speeches – do you remember our friends the Log Cabin Republicans? You know the gay Republicans who were not allowed to have a booth at the Texas Republicans Convention?  Well, they paid Melania 237,500 to speak in April and 250k for an event in 2022. Her qualifications for the Log Cabin Republicans?  Well, long before she became first lady, she was photographed naked with second lady. 

Republicans weird? You decide. 

 Remember, if you see weird, say weird. 

 Till next time.