Be here...it's gonna be mild!

Oh, my Americans y’all love your renegades. Your mavericks on a mission. Your rebels in resistance. Y’all love an armed, chiselled man, on a quest for redemption, to hell with “corporate” and their petty, girly boy, rules. 

 America…where insubordination r …us. 

 Which, in an odd kinda way, explains why, over 9 million people who voted for Obama in 2012 up and decided to vote for Trump in 2016.  Cuz y’all love an outsider… no matter what they believe in. 

Yep, Trump gave the middle finger to the man, then he became the man, acted liked a child, and now he’s giving the middle finger to the man so he can become the man again. 

They voted for Obama, then, they voted fer Trump.  The mainstream media called them Swingers. I call ‘em something else. 

Transcript

                                                    BE HERE, IT’S GONNA BE MILD 

This is the Yes, We Canada Podcast…The progressives guide to getting the fuck out. 

Episode 40, Be here! ... It’s Gonna Be Mild! 

Hey, I’m Matt Zimbel in Montreal. 

It’s known all over the world as the “flippin’ the bird” photo and it was shot in 1969 at San Quentin Prison in California. 

Yep, that’s our man in black, Johnny Cash.  The photo, which I’m sure you’ve seen plastered on a million t-shirts, was taken by Jim Marshall photographer to the rock stars.  The backstory varies a little, Marshall says he asked Cash to do a portrait for the prison warden - and Johnny responded with a fulsome finger eleven - but we’ve also heard tell that Cash was frustrated with the TV team documenting the concert because they kept repositioning him to accommodate their lighting…I guess they asked him to move… one too many times. 

 Fast forward almost 29 years to the day and we repo to the Grammy’s at Radio City Music Hall in New York City…it’s February 25, 1998. 

 With zero support from country radio or the Nashville country music establishment, Johnny Cash’ s “Unchained” album unexpectedly wins the Country Music Album of the Year. 

 And in one of the greatest “fuck yous” in American advertising history, Cash’s label, American Recordings, unexpectedly buys a full-page, $20,000 dollar ad in Billboard featuring a text that reads: 

 “Johnny Cash would like to acknowledge the Nashville Music Establishment and Country Radio for your support” 

… the image is Johnny flippin’ the bird.  Boom. Boom. Bada Boom. 

Oh, my Americans y’all love your renegades. Your mavericks on a mission. Your rebels in resistance. Y’all love an armed, chiselled man, on a quest for redemption, to hell with “corporate” and their petty, girly boy, rules. 

America…where insubordination r …us. 

Which, in an odd kinda way, explains why, over 9 million people who voted for Obama in 2012 up and decided to vote for Trump in 2016.  Cuz y’all love an outsider… no matter what they believe in. 

Yep, Trump gave the middle finger to the man, then he became the man, acted liked a child, and now he’s giving the middle finger to the man so he can become the man again. 

They voted for Obama, then, they voted fer Trump.  The mainstream media called them Swingers. I call ‘em something else. 

 My country tis of thee, land of stupidity 

Republicans, Trumpers, you know your boy Trump cares about you right?  More than anything else, he cares about you! 

 Sombitch I braved the arctic cold in Iowa and I voted fer Trump. 

 Felonious Trump. 

Sorry Thelonious, you don’t deserve this. But I know you’d understand, cuz this is gettin’ serious. 

After Trump places his tiny left hand on the upside-down family bible and raises his miniscule right hand to take the oath of office on Jan. 20, 2025 – um, friends of the pod, we are going to have a reckoning. 

 And that reckoning has now become a medical condition called TDS.  Trump derangement syndrome. 

And with every new felony indictment his poll numbers (beat) go up. 

 And every passing day, as the poll numbers climb, the democrats and liberals say: 

Um, yep, that’s who you have become and there are millions, upon millions of Americans who think this is who they are and this is who they want as their next president: 

 You’ve heard that expression “the clothes make the man…money”? Or something like that? 

Yep, you are. 

 A nation of lightly educated, self centered, gulliblists.  Whoa the people. 

Oh, I get it, you love your country, but hate your government.  I get it, you’re a maverick. Your governments failed you – the Globalists failed you when they moved the plant in your community to Mexico to save money, so capitalist greed failed you. The Pentagon failed you 

when they drafted your sons and daughters into never win wars for the greatest, most powerful nation on earth and um, you lost in Vietnam, Iraq’s WDM’s turned out to be a WTF and you lost in Afghanistan.  

 Big Pharma sponsored an opioid crisis in your community, and your government is going to send another 40 billion $ to Israel or Ukraine…while a bow tied professor from Yale tells you how desperately urgent the International Order is. 

Meanwhile, the local plant closed after bonusing the executives to the max and leaving a steaming pile of toxic waste in your hometown to be cleaned up with your tax dollars. 

You’re living paycheck to paycheck with no medical insurance and now AI has its eyes on your minimum wage job. No wonder you love drag racing but hate drag queens. 

 Sombitch, that’s it I’m cancellin’ my subscription to yer goddamn podcast, you liberal snowflake.  Hold my beeeeeeeer! 

 Ok, I get it…when Trump tells you how he’s been wronged after having presidented for the most successful presidency in history… 

 I can certainly understand his attraction, particularly after you welded your tv to Fox.  Fox, that beacon of truth telling TV that agreed to pay 780 million dollars to Dominion Voting Machines for lying to you! 

 Um sorry Joe, unfortunately that is who y’all have become… heartless, heedless and horrendous. 

 You know who carried the deep red state of West Virginia in the 1960 election?  Democrat John Kennedy – with 52% of the vote. Yep, West Virginia used to be a democratic state. And now it’s ruby red republican.  Why is that? 

Well, the liberal snowflakes in Washington shuttered the coal mines, and the Democrats sent the poor boys of West Virginia, both black and white, to be maimed and killed in Vietnam... for nothing. While the sons of congressman and real estate magnates in Queens got draft deferments. Tench hut! Deferred!  

Cuz Little Donnie J had Bone Spurs!   

 Donny the bone spurs must be brutal when you have to walk the resort to wack 18. 

 Oh, right, the cart, the caddy, and the arch supporters. 

 While I am a doctor, I’m not licensed to practice medicine in America as such, but it does sound like Mr. Trump had a severe case of boner spurs. 

Do you guys remember when Trump was running for President in 2016?  He criticized Obama endlessly for playing too much golf while president. 

Well, the numbers are in:  Obama played 333 rounds of golf  in 4 years as presidentTrump played 308rounds in 4 years   Donny J played twice as much. I know math is not your thing but…um…by my calculations…somebody is lyin’ to you! 

Ya wanna know why New Yaukas hate Trump cuz New Yaukas know Trump – “Da Donald” stiffed our fathers, sued our brothers, insulted our sistas… dat slime ball’s been kicking around this town lyin’ and cheatin’ for a long time. I wouldn’t vote him dog catcha. 

Lady where do ya want me ta go? 

 Trash talking.  But in all fairness, let’s look at the accomplishments of the Trump regime shall we … 

 Tax cut for the rich leading to much bigger federal deficits, three crappy supreme court justices  a, border wall measuring  500 miles of a 2000 mile border paid for by Americans not Mexicans… 

And um, Obamacare. 

 Ok my Americans, as exceptionalists I know you don’t have the bandwidth to hear about other people.  We made peace with that on the podcast seasons ago. 

But progressives… do you have the bandwidth to withstand another four years of Trump?  The, the brash lawlessness, the intellectual poverty and the megaphone of egocentric noise? It’ll be Trump 24/7, Don Jr. this, Javanka that and the Eric Trump scholars will be raking in the appearance fees. 

 Can you even imagine his new cabinet of losers…I’m thinking the My Pillow guy Mike Lindell will definitely get State and it’ll go downhill from there. Oh, man I need a nap just projecting your miserable future.  

 So, you’re coming up – you’re headin’ north…and it’s our job at Yes, We Canada to get you in the zone. And we’ll do it quick.  Here’s the one-minute guide to insubordination in Canada. 

 Unlike y’all, we didn’t have a war of Independence in 1700’s when you bad asses kicked the Brit’s out. 

 Right oh, technically you did not kick us out, we simply got bored and left.  Pip, pip, cheerio. 

 Why didn’t we in Canada kick the Brits out? Because we loved the king’s ass… we… are loyalists - to this very day.  So right there, that oughta tell you a lot about our hereditary capacity for insubordination. You are brash, we are meek – tough but meek. We are pleasant, non-confrontational, upstanding law-abiding citizens with a side order of suppressed rage and a few minor parking challenges.    

 Our thing up here is compromise…we are the land where no one gets what they want.  We love to follow but hate to be led. And, just like you, we are occasionally led by utter buffoons. 

Wait, what? 

 That was Rob Ford the former mayor of Toronto having a press conference about cunnilingus. 

Ok, that happened. 

 You guys remember the Trump Tweet summoning his supporters to an insurrection in the capital? 

 Be here, it’s gonna be wild. 

 In Canada, that would be.  

 Be here… it’s gonna be mild. 

 The truckers set up a large inflatable kiddie castle in the middle of a street in our nation’s capitol  for their youngins’ to play on while they protested mask mandates, Trudeau’s girly boy socks and the fact that they were not allowed to vote for Trump. An inflatable castle… in the middle of of an intersection at their diesel fuelled civil disobedience festival - which is why we call the trucker protest the Bouncy Castle Revolution.  Polite family men and women – upstanding un- masked Bouncy Castle people - despite the noise, the fumes and the fuck Trudeau flags.  

That said, you need to know that when you finally land on the north side of the Canadian border you are going to have to make some cultural changes to your default American demeanor. You see, up here, we squash mavericks.  

 We do not admire them.  Remember the Canadian cutline?  Peace. Order and Good government. Not great government just good government. Nope up here, we don’t truck your renegade promise of redemption. 

 And we squash very, very quietly – remember… we also hate confrontation.  You’ll bring your  toolkit of maverick insubordinate tendencies to Canada and one day, pouffe! Without notice, you’ll realize, you’ve been sidelined at work, ghosted in love, unmavericked…alone, un-showered and living under a bridge with your face in a bottle of Jack. 

 Hello, Bonjour. Welcome to Canada.  Have a nice day. It’s gonna be mild! 

Thanks for listening to the Yes, We Canada Podcast.  Sound design and mix by Pi Salin Cutler, our theme was written by Doug Wilde and Matt Zimbel and performed by Manteca. My name is Lisa Evans and I’m your announcer. We’re grateful when you hit like and subscribe. 

 Yes, We Canada is an independent podcast and you can support our work with a contribution or monthly subscription by going to Patreon dot com slash Yes We Canada where your contribution is deeply appreciated! 

 Until next time!