YES WE CANADA The Progressives Guide to Getting the Fuck Out - Season Three
Thinking of moving to Canada? Of course you are and we can help. Yes We Canada is the American Progressives Guide to getting the fuck out. Canada… explained… hilariously.
YES WE CANADA The Progressives Guide to Getting the Fuck Out - Season Three
The Great! Replacement Theory
You’ve heard of “The Great Replacement Theory “right?
No? Let me rephrase that… you’ve heard of the right’s great replacement theory… correct? Right?
The Jews and other democratic elites are trying to change the electorate by importing immigrants who will vote for democratic policies, like big government spending. Cuz we all know how the Jews like big spending right?
Tucker Carlson, George Soros on line one from Martha's Vineyard.
EPISODE SEVEN
YES WE CANADA
OCTOBER 26, 2022
Canada curious? This…is the Yes We Canada Podcast…the progressives guide to getting the fuck out.
This episode? The Great! Replacement theory!
Hey, I’m Matt Zimbel in Montreal.
Americans! I know you don’t give two exceptionalist shits about what happens up in Canada, but I have to tell you the story of how our country almost blew up. Tick Tick ba booooooom!
It’s gonna blow your minds.
You see, Canada’s founding people are English people from the England and French people from La France, who came to Canada in the early 1500’s and said; “jeez, this place is awesome, let’s steal it from the Indigenous people!” Well, that’s what the English people said, the French people said; mais, c’est tellment beau icit, on va volè ça immediatement.
The indigenous people, who didn’t inherently believe in the concept of “owning” Turtle Island welcomed them; “sure, whatever, let’s hang”.
Long story very short, the French and English were different kind of folks they didn’t always see eye to eye and fast forward five hundred odd years and a lot of the French people decided they were kinda like “over Canada”, “c’est um peu, fini pours nous, lo”. And they decided they wanted to become an independent nation and held a vote to get a mandate to leave Canada. Can-exit if you will. The leave side was called the yes side or more commonly the “oui” side – mais oui , mes American, mais oui, tu sais que oui is yes in French…. because you remember all your high school French! C’est bon! The “no” side… still wanted to hang out in Canada.
The folks who wanted to leave Canada and start their own country were also called sovereigntists or independantists. And progressives, let me assure you, of this, if you were born in Quebec, you’d probably be a sovereigntist, because in the 70’s 80’s and 90’s that’s where all the left in Quebec hung out.
Anywho, the campaign was tremendously emotional, very fractious, a lot of public crying. It was like a hosting a divorce if the parents asked the kids to vote on whether mom and dad should stay together or bust a move.
Holy crap eh?
To further complicate matters, the Indigenous peoples in Quebec and just a reminder, it’s pronounced “Kebec”, not “Qwee-beck” like y’all say…the Indigenous peoples whose land treaties are with The Crown, ie: the government of Canada, were totally not down with the idea of leaving Canada to hang with Quebec.
You see, the Northern Cree tribe autonomously control huge swaths of land in Quebec. They held their own referendum and 77% chose to remain in Canada; basically saying to the yes side…. “um, leave Canada? Um, the fuck we will!” The Grand Chief of the Grand Council of the Cree was a diminutive fella, by the name of Matthew Coon Come. He was a very powerful spokesman for the Cree. He was often threatened during the campaign. I booked him on a show I produced on referendum night and he arrived with two guys as big as walk in fridges, packing heat.
On October 30, 1995 Quebecers went to the polls. The Canadian Confederation hung on a thread.
Spoiler alert: I am going to tell you the results…but before I do…
You’ve heard of “The Great Replacement Theory “right?
No? Let me rephrase that… you’ve heard of the right’s great replacement theory… correct? Right?
It started its life as a European intellectual theory.
Oh, right, cheerio, intellectual theory, right, blimey mate I’ve got this… you see, back in the 17th century, King James the first, practiced bigotry but was not, as such, a racist, you see the King…
Bouff, Pardon? Ze Le Grand replacement is ze French theory you stupid Rosbif. Ze theory qui s’appelle le grand replacement étais inventé au France! Pars ze intellectual Renaud Camus
Mais, oui, bouff
I’m sorry old boy, I beg to differ,
Oh yes, let’s let the European intellectuals fight it out over who is more racist. Shall we?
Pip Pip au revoir.
Well, as they say, there’s a lot of infighting in academia because the stakes…. are so low.
So, fuck these quasi-intellectual Europeans, let’s bring in an American scholar. Shall we?
So, there you have it. That explains everything. The Jews and other democratic elites are trying to change the electorate by importing immigrants who will vote for democratic policies, like big government spending. Cuz we all know how the Jews like big spending right?
Brit: Well, tickety boo, actually, I do think it is important that we preserve the British way of life.
Mais biens sur, le France est Français, on droit guard notre style du vie, n’est pas?
American: Sombitch my way of life, is important to me, my family done been in American for 5 generations. I growed up here, I was educated here and no im-me-grant is gonna replace me.
Hold my beer.
Well, this is not surprising really is it progressives? If you’re a conservative Republican, the only kind there is actually, by your very nature you don’t like change. That’s your deal. Keep things the way they were.
And as we’ve pointed out on the pod before, Americans: when it comes to immigration and discrimination you guys are equal opportunity racists, you hated the Jews for a while, then the Irish, the Italians, the Chinese, and of course Blacks have had to deal with your perpetual discrimination, for centuries, so Muslim’s don’t fret, it’s just your turn, you’re not special.
Yeah, tiky dudes you are correct, Jews will never replace you – The Jews couldn’t possibly be that racist.
Although, I’m pretty sure the Palestinians would have some trouble with that argument.
Ok, Republicans, I’m going to give you some free advice. It pains me to do this, because, as you know my opinion of you for the past 50 years has been on a perpetual downward spiral – but listen up to some wisdom so profound, so deep…that usually you would have to pay a political consultant thousands of dollars in consulting fees. And I’m giving it to you for free, simply because I know you profoundly and I know because the counsel of a radical leftist is counter intuitive to your gut and you’re not all that bright, so you’ll never reap the benefits of what I tell you to do …because God Bless America, that’s the way you roll.
Republicans, you’re afraid …that when your gang of old white Americans are no longer the voting majority, that you will never again be able to hold office.
Well, you’re not wrong there. Polling says that a majority of Americans are terrified by mass shootings and want more gun control. You don’t. A majority of Americans, particularly women want access to abortion, you don’t. A majority of Americans want tax relief, and yet your tax relief policies help the 1% not the 99% and I know math is not your thing, but there’s a heck of a lot of voters hanging out in the 99% and you’re flippin’ them the bird, just because cuz math is not their thing. Dudes, you can gerrymander for only so long before your faithful is reduced to a couple of aging Kevin’s and a Karen.
So, here’s what you do: Try a little harder to do what’s called ‘voter outreach’. Sounds cool, huh?
Rebuild your electorate… with love in your hearts. Get your inclusion on!
And stop with this crap:
And for god sakes stop calling the Corona 19 Virus the
Or perhaps, remember that, America, was founded on the principal of religious freedom so, maybe? Don’t do this…
That’s the way to show potential voters some love, huh?
Republicans, I’m going to be that smug, Canadian snowflake, yep, that self-righteous snow back who is going to tell you how to fix your Great Replacement Theory problem, eh?
In Canada our Republican Party is called the Conservative Party. They have a tough time forming governments in here because most Canadians have a streak of progressive in them and for other reasons like the complicated electoral map that requires an explanation that is just too time consuming and (yawn) fascinating to get into right now.
But the take-away is this; way back in 2008 the Canadian Conservatives had a minority government …which does not mean they had a lot of BIPOC representation on their benches it simply means they did not have enough seats in Parliament to form a majority. They realized that they were only 12 crappy seats shy of forming a majority government and they thought they could find those twelve seats in, excuse the expression, the ‘ethnic’ districts – you know, where the ethnics live…So, the Prime Minister, the right honourable, god I hate saying that so much, Stephen Harper said to his cabinet minister responsible for Citizenship and Immigration, Jason Kenney “Jason – get me the ethnics”.
And so, Jason, the whitest guy who ever walked the face of the earth, started a huge outreach campaign of ethnic seduction – well conservatives would never use the porny word seduction, too sexual…
They started a huge outreach campaign of …coercion… yeah that’s better.
They made TV ads in Mandarin, Cantonese and Punjabi. They shipped all their MPs with Turbans, yarmulkes and other hats out to the regions to snuggle up to the ethnics.
You see traditionally, in Canada, the Liberal party – that’s the name of the party, not always their policies, was more progressive than the Conservatives on the issue of immigration, so naturally more immigrants came to Canada during eras of Liberal governments and of course it only makes sense if you’re an ethnic you’re going to vote for the party that offered you, mom and dad a better life in a semi- arctic country right? Right?
But the Conservative Party said to themselves, “wait just a fucking minute here -these immigrants or as they are called up here… New Canadians, these New Canadians who are always voting Liberal, are actually conservative people in their souls… so Conservative Minister Kenney drafted his ethnic stump speech.
“New Canadians are naturally conservative in the way they live their lives: they’re entrepreneurial; they have a remarkable work ethic; they are… [an] aspirational class; they want stability; they’re intolerant of crime and disorder; they have a profound devotion to family and tradition, including institutions of faith,” “That whole spectrum of values…. is conservative”
That kinda makes sense, no?
Oh, I can hear you now, “dude come on here, I’m a busy American Progressive, cut to the freakin’ chase, did the ethnic seduction work?”
Fuckin eh! And with his new majority Stevie Harper could rein down upon the Canadian people as many legislative atrocities as he wanted to.
Except our supreme court kept stopping him…
”Ah, sorry buddy, dat piece of legislation might look like da law, but it’s not actually legal eh? Oh, let me tell ya, that wasn’t some smart. Right? Right?
Sorry, that was an utter digression. I am just not disciplined enough to resist wacking the former Harper Government on its pee pee.
So, the ethnics voted conservative, and Conservatives ruled. But conservatives will be conservatives, and in 2015 during their campaign for a new leader, the cons got into a lot of their typical conservative chatter on immigration, you know how that goes, right? The differences between “us” and “them”. Then, some of the leadership candidates suddenly became afraid that Sharia Law would be declared in Canada so they proposed what they called the “barbaric cultural practices tip hotline”.
911 how can I help you? (audio treated as phone-throughout )
Um, I’d like to report a barbaric cultural practice, eh?
Go ahead sir.
I think… my neighbor… just voted Conservative.
Lock your doors sir, the RCMP are on their way…
Outreach?
Outrageous!
Now, Republicans in all fairness, I know that you have tried this outreach before. Former Republican Governor of Florida Jeb Bush speaks the Spanish, Senator Marco Rubio lies fluently in Spanish and English and after you got your tits slapped in the 2012 election, the political consultants all told you to reach out, be inclusive, grow your party, get your big tent on, baby!
And then what happened?
An orange person descended a golden escalator.
Ok, ok you heard that already…next!
So no, Republicans, the Liberal Jews, Democrats and George Sorros are not importing ethnic voters to replace y’all. The folks who are arriving over your southern border by the millions are in many cases human rights refugees who were forced to leave their countries or face death by Cartel. You guys remember the cartels? Those hard-working curators of drugs who tirelessly produce all the cocaine and Fentanyl for their very best customers…the American people y’all! Snnnnnniiiiiiiifffffff!
Lately my dear Republicans you have now decided to export what you call your “illegal aliens” to of all places Cape Cod. Governor Ron DeSantis, threw 50 illegal aliens on a plane headed north, with no support, or orientation of any kind, just a videographer on board from Fox News. Oh, that’ll show those rich Cap Cod liberals, how cynical they actually are about helping under privildged folks in their own back yard. And what did the white rich liberal people do? Well, they fed them, clothed them and found them a place to get out of the cold.
A little human trafficking anyone? Because that’s going to make ethnic voters new Republicans.
But Progressives, I know what you’re really interested in – did Canada blow up when Quebec wanted to separate? What happened? You left me hanging 10 minutes ago, I can barely stand the suspense.
Well, 93.5 percent of Quebec registered voters voted …the largest voter turnout in history, to use a TikTok term – engagement was off the hook, bro. The results? 49.42% to become an independent nation to 50.58 % to remain in Canada. The Independentists dreams of nationhood were crushed by less than 60,000 thousand votes.
Around 11:30 that night the Premier of Quebec, Jacques Parizeau, climbed the stage at a convention centre in Montreal and made a fiery, alcohol enhanced concession speech:
Translation? “Essentially we lost because of the money and the ethnic vote”.
And the next morning he woke up and resigned… replaced greatly, by the theoretical ethnic vote.
Notes:
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“This practice of face covering reflects a misogynistic view of women, which is grounded in a medieval, tribal culture,” Kenney said in 2015.
God: You didn’t like the Niquab so much so I gave you covid so you could cover your faces without feeling bad about it. Pretty good huh, gods way ba
Stop immigration like the Murdochs
Quebec bill 22
French people from France.
‘Zoey’ represented an urbanite who eats organic food and is entirely inaccessible to the Conservatives, while ‘Dougie’ is a tradesman from a small town who is in his 20s.
In this election, we now have Alice, Tim, Harry and Nina – all minorities who are Conservative Party politicians, speaking in their native language to members of their ethnic group.