YES WE CANADA The Progressives Guide to Getting the Fuck Out - Season Three

We Love you, Now Go Home.

June 28, 2022 Season 2 Episode 3
YES WE CANADA The Progressives Guide to Getting the Fuck Out - Season Three
We Love you, Now Go Home.
Show Notes Transcript

Deplorables… you have now become …delusionals.  When you had a tough time selling the triumvirate attack of Antifa / Black Lives Matter / FBI on the Capitol, you pivoted to your “normal tourist visit” narrative which also turned out to be troublesome because of the avalanche of video showing your  Trump clad " tourists" beating cops like blood thirsty barbarians. So, you pivoted yet again and started calling your insurrection ; “legitimate political discourse”. 

 Discourse?  Of course.


Yes, We Canada S2 E3  
We Love you. Now Go Home.    
Transcript  6/22/ 22 


Announcer: This is the Yes, We Canada Podcast.  The Progressives Guide to Getting the Fuck out.  This episode; We love you…now go home. Go on, scoot, go on.

Hey, I’m Matt Zimbel in Montreal. 

When Black Lives Matter, Antifa and the FBI and got together to plan their attack on the Capitol building slated for January 6th, 2021, they decided to meet at an Applebee’s just outside Washington, D.C. in Bethesda, Maryland. 

Waitress: what can I get ya fellas?

 But the first item on the agenda caused a bit of a rift in this little insurrectionist joint venture:  FBI special agent Luke Skaretski:

 Skaretski: To fly a false flag, the first thing we need to do is buy a lot of Trump merch.

BLM: Oh man, the brother said the revolution would not be televised. I still ain’t wearin’ that cracker bullshit. That shit is lame.

 Antifa: Uh, we’re like, Antifa, man, we don’t have any money cuz…we’re anarchists, we don’t uh, believe in money.

Skaretski:  Ok.

 So, you can see – awkward collab.

 Skaretski:  We muster at the Rotunda at thirteen hundred hours, Antifa you scale the west inaugural scaffolds. BLM you’re on the crypt, 13:02 gallows in place, activate bear spray, don’t forget the zip ties and TP 


Yeah… really awkward collaboration because none of that shit actually happened.  And yet, and yet!... there are conservative Trump supporters in the United States of America including on the Fox News Fiction Network who will insist, to this day that all those white people in Trump gear with bear spray and baseball bats beating the living crap out of the men and women in blue they purport to love – were actually members of Black Lives Matter working in concert with Antifa and the FBI to change the electoral results and keep Trump in power.

Republican Congressman Andrew S. Clyde from Georgia’s ninth district, suggested that the insurrection was far less serious than it's been portrayed: 

Ok, I have a question, America, why are your tourists so angry? Is it that difficult to find parking close to the capitol building? Did they run out of Capitol Hill snow domes at the gift shop?  

Sound like hugging and kissing to you?  

 Well, Donald Trump is widely known as an exceptionally talented lover, 

“and when you’re a star you can do anything – grab ‘em by the pussy”. 

 So, I guess on the right – “hugging and kissin’” is the new “hope and prayers!”

Deplorables… you have now become …delusionals. And when you had a tough time selling the triumvirate attack of Antifa / Black Lives Matter / FBI, you pivoted to your “normal tourist visit” narrative which also turned out to be troublesome because of the avalanche of video showing your   Trump clad  tourists beating cops like blood thirsty barbarians, so, you pivoted yet again and started calling your insurrection - and here I quote… “legitimate political discourse”.  

Discourse?  Of, course.

 Now if you’re a fact-based person, I think we can all agree that on this one… the right ain’t right.  It was not a regular tourist visit with hugs and kisses and legitimate political discourse that killed five people and sent 130 cops to the hospital, many with very serious injuries. 

Nancy – where are you Nancy 

It was not the “peaceful transition of power” called for in the patriots most adored document, the constitution of the United States of America. 

What was it?   It was a losers last gasp.  And I say this reluctantly...It was the white trash rebellion of 2021. As an American urban progressive, now living in Canada I’ll be the first to admit that we are often accused of being smug, self-righteous, snowflakes by the right and they ain’t wrong. 

But if you’re flying the pro slavery Confederate flag in the Rotunda of the Capital, something that did not even happen during the Civil War. If you are calling the black men and women in blue the n word?  If you’re crushing cops in doorways? If you are taking a dump in the marble hallway of the capitol and you’re white?  Then you are not a patriot or a protestor, you’re white trash.  

 Look, I get your anger and frustration. I know the good paying jobs in manufacturing have been exported abroad in honour of the almighty Yankee dollar. Small towns are gutted because corporate greed dictates that every quarter has to be more profitable than the last, no matter what the costs to our communities. I think you call that America.

I get that the Rockwell painting of your republic that lives only in your imagination is under threat from the unwashed hordes of immigrants showing up on your shores. I get that Americans have a long and sacred tradition of being pricks to immigrants... hey Muslims, sorry to tell you this, but you’re not special you’re just another target in the ever-changing scope of American bigotry and ignorance…the Italians, the Irish, the Jews, the Mexicans, the Chinese…all veterans of Made in America Bigotry…In fact, we were pricks to the Indigenous peoples when we were the fucking immigrants.

 And who do you think created the conditions of poverty in South and Central America that fuel the illegal immigrant and refugee crisis along your southern border?   Yep. Y’all. Your United Fruit Company.  Your American Rubber Barons and Your Central Intelligence Agency. And ask yourself who financed the drug cartels?  Why that would be the American cocaine consumer. Best customer in the world! 

Look, I get that that you love your country but hate your government and the shopping list of atrocities by politicians is long.  The Opioid crisis was propagated by lying, cheating, greedy white people and the government, both Republican and Democrat did nothing to stop them, until it was too late. 

The Slime bags on Wall Street made us hold the bag of slime when they got off scot free with their repulsive bonuses, during the 2008 financial crisis… a crisis of their own making… 

 If it’s good for the markets, it’s good for the country…It’s the American Way!

 The local government in Flint knew their water was toxic…and did nothing, hope and prayers y’all…it all comes down to greed. 

So yeah, I get your pain.

 And again – just to be super clear here …Canada is no international Boy Scout.  Some of our mining companies would make the United Fruit Company look like an international aid organization. Of course, we think we’re better than you…but, we’re not. 

 My dear delusionals…the point is – yes, you rightly have grievances… many.  But did Trump build your wall and get the Mexicans to pay for it?  Did he, as promised, get congress or the supreme court to kill Obamacare and build you the best health care system in the world. Did he get you a decent tax break if you were not already a millionaire?  Did he do anything to slow climate change as forest fires burned at your door and your basement flooded?

Well, he certainly did change the balance of the Supreme court so you might be able to overturn Roe vs. Wade and finally practice your firm beliefs in The Right to Life.

And, um, just a quick question here…how can you be, pro-life, but also pro-gun, pro war, pro capital punishment and anti-vax… really?  I mean, say it like it is – you’re not pro-life, you’re pro-fetus.

But hey, I refuse to be entirely negative about Republicans which is what we progressives snowflakes are always accused of.  

Republicans are wonderful at arts and crafts.

 Whatcha buildin’ Festus?

Festus:  A gallows.

Fer what?

Festus:  Gonna, hang the vice president. 


 When I saw this on TV I was confused – it sounded like the protesters were chanting “Hang my pants, hang my pants”.  But when I looked at them, they didn’t strike me as that sartorially inclined, although some of their tactical wear for all occasions looked cool. 

And just like the entire Pentagon misjudged the Taliban in Afghanistan, The Capitol Police utterly misjudged white rage. And yet, it couldn’t have been a surprise to know that angry white people would show up on January 6th when their president told them to muster at the Capitol. Yep, before Trump was banned for life from Twitter, on December 19th 2021, he tweet-vited his adoring fans to Washington. 

“Be there… it’ll be wild”.

You know what it’s like in the morning, you roll out of bed and try to decide what to wear to work? 

Hmmm what should I wear to the revolution…Well, on the morning of Jan 6 the when the Capitol Police had been warned about the impending threat of angry white people marching on Capitol Hill …the cops decided to wear their comfy colours, basically, the law enforcement version of leisure wear.

Which was not at all their sartorial choice for the peaceful Black Lives Matter demonstrations in Washington on June 1, 2020 when our boys normally cloaked in blue rocked their military body armour for all occasions, night-vision goggles and tactical vests. 

 All dressed up and no place to go they moved in violently on protesters in Lafayette Park in front of the White House, so that President Trump could walk across the park with a couple generals, Ivanka, Jared and the Attorney General for a photo op holding a bible upside down in front a of Church he wasn’t invited to.  Proving yet again,  it may take cunning to become a despot, it doesn’t require a very intelligent individual…especially  when your own department of justice calls you “individual number one”.

 Regular tourist visit y’all …for some “legitimate political discourse”?

 In 2021 according to the Washington Police Chief, there were 9,600 verifiable threats against members of congress in Washington. 

 Ok, math time…there are 330 million citizens in the United States, 434 million guns multiplied by 9600 verifiable threats, divided by 541 members of congress. 

What, me worry?

 Just ask Democrat Gaby Giffords former congresswoman of Arizona’s 8th district who in 2011 narrowly survived being shot in the head by a crazed constituent at a mass shooting he hosted in the parking lot of a Tucson Safeway.  Six others were not so lucky. 

In 2017 Republican Steve Scalise from Louisiana’s first district, the minority whip in congress, was shot in the hip by a left-wing crazy at a congressional baseball game.  Congressman Scalise almost died a couple of times, spent months in the hospital, then months in rehab and emerged from the experience with his Republican dogma intact ….lovin’ the NRA and hatin’ the homos. Good work Steve, there’s nothing Brady Bill about you my man, no amount of personal pain or hardship will shift you from your ridiculous positions – even a left-wing crazy who almost freakin’ killed you would not inspire you to perhaps tighten the gun control regulations around background checks…like background checks- really, no?  Ok then, these are the kind of impassioned beliefs we look for our in our assholes, I mean Republican congressmen from Nawlin’s.  

And speaking of assholes. 

  Me? I’m a patriot. I’m going to Congress. Cuz, I give a shit.  

“Hey patriot, you couldn’t lend a fella patriot some TP could ya?” 

 During their Capitol “tourist visit” with a side order of “legitimate political discourse”  our patriots actually defecated – um, shat, in the halls of congress. 

As a result of the January 6th insurrection, more than 725 people have been arrested and charged with various crimes from trespassing to sedition, from constructing a gallows without a gallows permit to public defecation in the bowels congress. Our friends on the right now consider them “political prisoners”.  

 And where was President Trump during the three hours plus of the riot – well he was on executive time at the White House. 

Doing absolutely nothing to stop the violence hemorrhaging on Capitol Hill

A far cry from his stance on June 1, 2020 during a peaceful Black Lives Matter demo in front of the White House Trump when told governors during a conference call how to handle protestors around the US. 

“You have to have total domination, and then you have to put them in jail …

 The democracy burns, people are dying in the riot, just blocks from the White House and where is the commander in chief? The President who swore an oath to defend the constitution?  Well, he’s AWOL. 

Until after 5 people had been killed and more than 130 injured at the riot, he emerged from the White House and said;

So, go home, you’re very special to go home in peace. We Love you, Go Home.

 And now Trump has pledged to pardon the members of the White Trash Rebellion, when he is re-re-elected in 2024. 

Which is when, you, my progressive friends, will load your Subaru hybrids and promptly move to Canada.

Welcome, Bienvenue au Canada, eh?

Are you here on a “normal tourist visit for some legitimate political discourse”?